David Rackoff is a lyricist, composer, director, and acting coach for film and theater (especially musical theater). Here are a few of the songs he's written:
"Nothing Like Broadway" video
Three songs
The World's Most Famous Spy (click for lyrics)
BIXBY
WHEN I WAS A LAD, I STUDIED MATHS.
I READ UP ON MY SHAKESPEARE, AND I TOOK LONG BATHS.
LONG BATHS!
AT UNI, I DID BOTH MY PARENTS PROUD.
I GRADUATED EARLY, SUMMA CUMMA LOUD.
I THREW MY CAP A WAY UP HIGH.
I SAID, “I’M GONNA BE THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS SPY!”.
I PASSED THE SUPER-SPY EXAM.
OTHERS
HE PASSED THE SUPER-SPY EXAM.
BIXBY
THEN, ALL AT ONCE, I FOUND I AM:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
MY FIRST SECRET JOB, IN EAST BERLIN,
I KILLED A SUPER-VILLAIN WITH A BOBBY PIN.
THIS PIN!
HIS HENCH-WOMAN BRIBED ME WITH MARKS AND FRANCS.
SHE WANTED TO SEDUCE ME, BUT I SAID, “NO THANKS”.
SHE AIMED A LASER AT MY EYE,
THEN SAID, “HEY, AREN’T YOU THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS SPY?!”.
I SAID, “GIVE UP YOUR LIFE OF CRIME”.
OTHERS
HE SAID, “GIVE UP YOUR LIFE OF CRIME”.
BIXBY
AND SO SHE DID, AND THAT’S WHY I’M:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
MY FAME IS A BLESSING, AND A CURSE.
WENT UNDERCOVER AS A FILIPINA NURSE.
HOT NURSE!
A DOCTOR WAS TRYING TO KILL THE POPE.
I STRANGLED OUT THE DOCTOR WITH A STETHOSCOPE.
HE SAID TO ME, ABOUT TO DIE,
“YOU’RE NOT A NURSE, NO, YOU’RE ZHAT VERY FAMOUS SPY.
I ZHINK I ZAW YOU ON T.V..
OTHERS
HE ZHINKS HE ZAW YOU ON T.V..
BIXBY
I SAID TO HIM, “THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S ME:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!”
IN NORWAY, I SNUCK IN THROUGH THE FJORDS,
INTO THE FAMOUS SUPER-SECRET SPY AWARDS.
BIXBY/OTHERS
AWARDS.
BIXBY
IN SPITE OF MY GLAMOROUS GLOBAL FAME,
I STOOD THERE INCOGNITO AS THEY CALLED MY NAME.
THEN, JUMPING OUT IN TUX AND TIE,
I SAID, “IT’S ME, YOUR FAV-‘RITE SECRET FAMOUS SPY!”
AND ON MY FANCY WINNER’S PLAQUE,
OTHERS
AND ON HIS FANCY WINNER’S PLAQUE…
BIXBY
IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, IN BRONZE AND BLACK:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY IN THE…
HE DRINKS A COSMO ON A BEACH IN GREECE.
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
HE DRIVES AN ASTON MARTIN ON A TWO-YEAR LEASE.
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
WHEN I WAS A LAD, I STUDIED MATHS.
I READ UP ON MY SHAKESPEARE, AND I TOOK LONG BATHS.
LONG BATHS!
AT UNI, I DID BOTH MY PARENTS PROUD.
I GRADUATED EARLY, SUMMA CUMMA LOUD.
I THREW MY CAP A WAY UP HIGH.
I SAID, “I’M GONNA BE THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS SPY!”.
I PASSED THE SUPER-SPY EXAM.
OTHERS
HE PASSED THE SUPER-SPY EXAM.
BIXBY
THEN, ALL AT ONCE, I FOUND I AM:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
MY FIRST SECRET JOB, IN EAST BERLIN,
I KILLED A SUPER-VILLAIN WITH A BOBBY PIN.
THIS PIN!
HIS HENCH-WOMAN BRIBED ME WITH MARKS AND FRANCS.
SHE WANTED TO SEDUCE ME, BUT I SAID, “NO THANKS”.
SHE AIMED A LASER AT MY EYE,
THEN SAID, “HEY, AREN’T YOU THE WORLD’S MOST FAMOUS SPY?!”.
I SAID, “GIVE UP YOUR LIFE OF CRIME”.
OTHERS
HE SAID, “GIVE UP YOUR LIFE OF CRIME”.
BIXBY
AND SO SHE DID, AND THAT’S WHY I’M:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
MY FAME IS A BLESSING, AND A CURSE.
WENT UNDERCOVER AS A FILIPINA NURSE.
HOT NURSE!
A DOCTOR WAS TRYING TO KILL THE POPE.
I STRANGLED OUT THE DOCTOR WITH A STETHOSCOPE.
HE SAID TO ME, ABOUT TO DIE,
“YOU’RE NOT A NURSE, NO, YOU’RE ZHAT VERY FAMOUS SPY.
I ZHINK I ZAW YOU ON T.V..
OTHERS
HE ZHINKS HE ZAW YOU ON T.V..
BIXBY
I SAID TO HIM, “THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S ME:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!”
IN NORWAY, I SNUCK IN THROUGH THE FJORDS,
INTO THE FAMOUS SUPER-SECRET SPY AWARDS.
BIXBY/OTHERS
AWARDS.
BIXBY
IN SPITE OF MY GLAMOROUS GLOBAL FAME,
I STOOD THERE INCOGNITO AS THEY CALLED MY NAME.
THEN, JUMPING OUT IN TUX AND TIE,
I SAID, “IT’S ME, YOUR FAV-‘RITE SECRET FAMOUS SPY!”
AND ON MY FANCY WINNER’S PLAQUE,
OTHERS
AND ON HIS FANCY WINNER’S PLAQUE…
BIXBY
IT SAYS RIGHT THERE, IN BRONZE AND BLACK:
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY IN THE…
HE DRINKS A COSMO ON A BEACH IN GREECE.
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
HE DRIVES AN ASTON MARTIN ON A TWO-YEAR LEASE.
THE MOST FAMOUS SPY…
IN THE WORLD!
What If There Were No More Villains? (click for lyrics)
KISHKA
SO THAT MAKES ME THE BAD GUY?
THE ONE YOU PEOPLE BOO?
YOU HATE ME JUST A TAD, GUY?
WELL, GUY, I HATE YOU, TOO.
THE NICE-IES ARE ALL SPINELESS.
THEY MAKE ME HAVE TO YAWN.
SO NOW YOU ALL WILL WHINE LESS
WHEN BAD GUYS ALL ARE GONE.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO MORE VILLAINS?
THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL ALL FIND OUT.
FROM HERE ON YOU FORGO MORE VILLAINS.
AND I’LL JUST SIT AND POUT.
I’VE ALWAYS FOUGHT FOR POWER.
FOR SOIL, BLOOD AND MIGHT.
BUT IN MY DARKEST HOUR,
I MAY JUST LEAVE THE FIGHT.
THE LAWS OF MAN RESTRAIN US
FROM CHANGING HORSE MIDSTREAM.
IT’S NOTHING SHORT OF HEINOUS
TO TRUST THE OTHER TEAM.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO MORE VILLAINS?
NO THING YOU FEAR THE MOST.
I’LL BE THE ONE TO SHOW MORE VILLAINS
TO JUST GIVE UP THE GHOST.
MY EYES ARE DAMP, MY VEINS ARE DRY,
MY OPENINGS ARE CLENCHED.
SO TELL ME WHAT'S THE REASON WHY
MY GUTS ARE FEELING WRENCHED?
THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS INCOMPLETE,
I’VE STILL A WAYS TO GO.
COULD I BE HONEST, KIND, AND SWEET,
BUT VILLAINOUSLY SO?
COULD WE ALL BE, YES, STILL VILLAINS,
BUT IN VALIANT WAY?
WE’RE HEROES AND I GUESS STILL VILLAINS
AND WE WILL SAVE THE DAY!
SO THAT MAKES ME THE BAD GUY?
THE ONE YOU PEOPLE BOO?
YOU HATE ME JUST A TAD, GUY?
WELL, GUY, I HATE YOU, TOO.
THE NICE-IES ARE ALL SPINELESS.
THEY MAKE ME HAVE TO YAWN.
SO NOW YOU ALL WILL WHINE LESS
WHEN BAD GUYS ALL ARE GONE.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO MORE VILLAINS?
THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL ALL FIND OUT.
FROM HERE ON YOU FORGO MORE VILLAINS.
AND I’LL JUST SIT AND POUT.
I’VE ALWAYS FOUGHT FOR POWER.
FOR SOIL, BLOOD AND MIGHT.
BUT IN MY DARKEST HOUR,
I MAY JUST LEAVE THE FIGHT.
THE LAWS OF MAN RESTRAIN US
FROM CHANGING HORSE MIDSTREAM.
IT’S NOTHING SHORT OF HEINOUS
TO TRUST THE OTHER TEAM.
WHAT IF THERE WERE NO MORE VILLAINS?
NO THING YOU FEAR THE MOST.
I’LL BE THE ONE TO SHOW MORE VILLAINS
TO JUST GIVE UP THE GHOST.
MY EYES ARE DAMP, MY VEINS ARE DRY,
MY OPENINGS ARE CLENCHED.
SO TELL ME WHAT'S THE REASON WHY
MY GUTS ARE FEELING WRENCHED?
THIS TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS INCOMPLETE,
I’VE STILL A WAYS TO GO.
COULD I BE HONEST, KIND, AND SWEET,
BUT VILLAINOUSLY SO?
COULD WE ALL BE, YES, STILL VILLAINS,
BUT IN VALIANT WAY?
WE’RE HEROES AND I GUESS STILL VILLAINS
AND WE WILL SAVE THE DAY!
A Sweet Giddy Idiot (click for lyrics)
NETTIE
HE ISN’T A WIT.
HE ISN’T ONE BIT.
NOT CUNNING,
BUT STUNNING.
THAT MUCH I’LL ADMIT.
IT MUST BE A WHIM;
I CAN’T LOVE A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE HIM.
HE’S NOT GOOD AT SPEECH.
HE’S SHARP AS A PEACH.
SUBTRACTIONS
AND FRACTIONS
ARE OUT OF HIS REACH.
HE LIVES AT THE GYM.
CAN’T FALL FOR A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE…
WHAT IF I TRIED MY HAND AT WEDDED BLISS?
IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE SOME BEDDED BLISS.
SUCH EMPTY-HEADED BLISS!
I’VE LOST MY MIND, I’VE OVERCOME HOW HE
CAN’T STOP FROM SHOWING ME HOW DUMB HOW HE
CAN BE, BUT SOMEHOW HE…
LIGHTS UP A ROOM!
MY POSSIBLE GROOM!
HOWEVER, HE’LL NEVER
CORRECTLY USE “WHOM”.
SO WHAT IF HE’S DIM?
I LONG FOR A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE HIM.
I’M LOSING MY COOL.
I’M STARTING TO DROOL.
SO QUERY
THIS THEORY:
WHO’S TRULY THE FOOL?
AND SOMEDAY HE’LL SEE
THAT HE NEEDS A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE ME.
HE ISN’T A WIT.
HE ISN’T ONE BIT.
NOT CUNNING,
BUT STUNNING.
THAT MUCH I’LL ADMIT.
IT MUST BE A WHIM;
I CAN’T LOVE A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE HIM.
HE’S NOT GOOD AT SPEECH.
HE’S SHARP AS A PEACH.
SUBTRACTIONS
AND FRACTIONS
ARE OUT OF HIS REACH.
HE LIVES AT THE GYM.
CAN’T FALL FOR A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE…
WHAT IF I TRIED MY HAND AT WEDDED BLISS?
IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE SOME BEDDED BLISS.
SUCH EMPTY-HEADED BLISS!
I’VE LOST MY MIND, I’VE OVERCOME HOW HE
CAN’T STOP FROM SHOWING ME HOW DUMB HOW HE
CAN BE, BUT SOMEHOW HE…
LIGHTS UP A ROOM!
MY POSSIBLE GROOM!
HOWEVER, HE’LL NEVER
CORRECTLY USE “WHOM”.
SO WHAT IF HE’S DIM?
I LONG FOR A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE HIM.
I’M LOSING MY COOL.
I’M STARTING TO DROOL.
SO QUERY
THIS THEORY:
WHO’S TRULY THE FOOL?
AND SOMEDAY HE’LL SEE
THAT HE NEEDS A SWEET, GIDDY IDIOT LIKE ME.
"Sing Along" video